Our new feature, Earbuds, brings you reading companion guides for your favorite podcasts.
Our second featured podcast in the Earbuds series is the hilarious “Bitch Sesh: A Real Housewives Breakdown Show,” hosted by the incomparable Casey Wilson and Danielle Schneider. As the title suggests, this podcast analyzes the whims and woes of our favorite women, from Nene Leakes to Bethenny Frankel, Brandi Glanville to Vicki Gunvalson.
If you too are a WhisperingAlene (the official moniker for all BS fans), then you know you have to get your read on if you ever hope to join Casey and Danielle in their cozy, much-coveted podcasting nook.
So grab yourself a glass of Whispering Angel or a bottle of Skinnygirl vodka, and get ready for some real #BootsOnTheGround research. It’s turtle time, evurrbuddy…
Unfiltered and outrageous, Brandi is one of the many housewives who claims to keep it riller than rill. All that amazing brashness and zero-fucks-givenness comes out in full force in her first book. If you don’t love Brandi at her Racist-Pool-Humor, you don’t deserve her at her Richards-Sisters-Hiding-Her-Crutches.
Brandi was sadly not asked back as a castmember of Beverly Hills, but that doesn’t stop her from conquering the 90210 by putting Lisa Vanderpump on blast ’round the clock; a day without a Daily Mail post about Brandi publically calling someone a c-word is a day without sunshine.
Before she was wrangling her significantly younger, radish-loving lover boy into co-authoring a raw vegan cookbook, Carole entered the upper echelons of the literati with her tragic and poignant memoir, What Remains. This book details the day of the plane crash that killed her husband’s cousin, JFK Jr. (no one who really knew him called him John John, ok, SONJA?!), and her best friend, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. All joking aside, Radzi is the only lady on this list with real journalist street cred and writing chops, and bringing along one of her books on vacay will not disappoint.
Believe Me by Yolanda Hadid
This highly-anticipated memoir isn’t out until February, but I already have so many questions. Whose puppy is that? Does it have Lyme? Does it join her when she climbs into her hyperbaric chamber?
Yolanda (or Jerlander, as per LVP) has a well-documented battle with Lyme that not only affected her tumultuous marriage with Known Lizard David Foster, but also cost her her beautiful Malibu fridge. That fridge! Yolanda spills all the lemon tea about her battle with Lyme, how it has affected her family, and the outlash she experienced from her Beverly Hills castmembers when they accused her of Munchausen.
Chaucer. Shakespeare. Twain. Hemingway. Bensimon!
Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? Kelly “Satchels of Gold” “Killoren” “Bensimon” was made for the esteemed ranks of the greatest literature this world has ever seen, and thank goodness she finally filled the void in the market with her first novel fiction book word-pages, A Dangerous Age. This story of New York’s socialites, downtown bohemians, and Upper East Side uppercrust is, according to its Amazon page, a comedy of manners to RIVAL EDITH WHARTON.
Bethenny Frankel is a lot of things: Mother. Entrepeneuress. Divorcee. Aggressively self-aware RH producer. No matter what hat she’s wearing (floppily brimmed, usually), you gotta respect her work ethic. Bethenny knows it all…except, as she admits in this bestseller, how to figure out a lasting relationship. Even as she wedges herself into Tom and Countess Luann’s impending nuptials, I believe that with her angular bob and bottomless chutzpah, she’ll soon find herself lucky in love. We want a Bethenny to succeed!!
Switch the Bitch by Pettifleur Berenger
From what I can tell, Casey and Danielle haven’t watched the Real Housewives of Melbourne yet, but this is my call to arms! To them! To start!
Par exemple, meet Pettifleur. She is one of RHOM’s castmembers, along with a lady named Chyka and a Barbie Doll that survived popcorn mode in the microwave named Gamble Wolf. Honestly. Bitching and moaning is 1000x funnier, if you can believe it, when using ridiculous Australian accents. I couldn’t describe the “gimmick” of Switch the Bitch if you put a gun to my head, and neither really can Pettifleur. But what does it matter? Just trying reading it all in an Aussie accent and these silly worries about cohesiveness and grammar will aaall melt away.
This list wouldn’t be complete without a slot for the patron saint of the Housewives himself, Andy Cohen. In the style of Andy Warhol’s comprehensive, sometimes dull, always name-dropping diaries, Andy Cohen doesn’t disappoint as he describes his days schmoozing with “Alison” (Williams) and “Anderson” (Cooper). The most charming throughline is his adoption of Wacha Cohen, his trusty beagle that matches the leather upholstery in his living room just so serendipitously. Andy’s follow-up book is coming soon, and I would sincerely read about his celeb- and calorie-counting-filled days for at least a thousand more pages.